Consensual Non-Consent

I have had fantasies about someone hiding under my bed and jumping me or catching me coming naked out of the shower since I hit puberty. I don’t go for the full on beat the crap out of me type of fantasy that some people may enjoy. I prefer more mental than physical taking of control. Use of fear instead of violence. The threat to keep me still and compliant, rather than being beaten into submission. I’ve never been one for violence. Yes, I like pain, but for it’s own sake, not for taking of control. It is the mind where control truly lives. When I write or imagine such scenes, the assailant usually has a gun or a knife, some physical representation of potential violence, but they never use it.

The other day Lover and I were playing and he said he was going to force me, but when we got to the bedroom, he ordered my clothes off and I complied for no reason other than he said the word Strip. Then we played and had sex. The only consensual non-consent part of the whole thing were the nipple clamps. Later that night, I was thinking about the willingness taking the power from the scene. The idea of my pants being opened and shoved out of the way, my shirt being pulled up just enough for breast access, is far more a turn on than full nudity. It feels more non-consensual that way, feels more like there is resistance, feels more like being used.

Being used. Why is that a turn on? Why on earth would I want to be used?

It is part of the overarching fantasy of giving up all will and control to someone. Being an object, a tool, a toy for their use and pleasure. The added spike of someone taking that control makes it that much hotter of a fantasy. Sex, for me, is the most intimate act, and therefore, taken without consent, the biggest violation. Therefore, it only works with someone I love and trust, it has to be consensual non-consent to turn me on in reality. It’s a fine line to walk. How do you make non-consent hot when it is consensual?

Creating the scene in the mind. Talking as though it was real. Whispered threats and hints at pushing too far. Role playing it out, creating the roles and fully stepping into them. Allowing for resistance and the taking away of control. The element of surprise can be used as well. Having agreed to the scene, but not the time and place. Choosing an unexpected place, perhaps a place with just a bit of danger of being caught, to heighten everyone’s awareness during the scene. Doing things that are unexpected. Forcing actions that are allowed, but not particularly liked. Agreeing to continue the scene until the top is done, regardless of when the bottom is done unless there is dire need to end the scene early – allowing for emergency Red, but not for Yellow.

Latex Fetish

He likes latex, more than likes, drools over, pets, strokes, enjoys latex. We have window shopped latex for months. Last month, for my birthday, I bought three pieces (thanks Mom and Dad, and just keep thinking I bought work pants, okay?) – hot pants, a skirt a tank top with molded breasts. I wore the hot pants first, they were quite a hit, literally (wonderful spankings ensued). Latex makes a Lovely noise when smacked. The following weekend, the skirt and tank top. The skirt fits great, except I think I have it up a little too high, I have to fold or roll the top bit down just a little (but more wonderful spankings, and the air pocket added to the fun noises). More experimenting to figure out the best fit. The tank top… well, let’s just say, my breasts are not that shape and my torso not quite that long, so it was fairly awkward, though still quite shiny.

I had to learn a bit about latex care for these new items. Never having worried all that much about taking care of my clothes before, latex requires a bit of attention. I read up online and asked friends for suggestions. Ultimately, I went out and bought baby powder, baby shampoo and a silicone based lube. The baby powder helps in putting them on and staying comfortable in them as well as keeping them from sticking together when I store them. The baby shampoo was the recommended “mild soap” to wash them after wear and has worked quite well. The lube is used to shine them up once they’re on me. Being new to the latex fetish, I did not realize that it was generally dull, unless actively shined. The first two times they were worn, I shined them up with a soft cloth as one site suggested. But the third time, this past weekend, the skirt was just not shiny enough for him. So he told me to do it again, and when he saw I had a cloth, I could just about hear his eyes roll. “Use your hands.” I put the lube on my hands and rubbed it in for a Much better shine. As he pointed out, the cloth was absorbing more than it was transferring.

So, what’s next? I’m (window) shopping for more latex. I want more than just black for certain, but also more types of pieces. My first priority is a red (non-molded) top to go with the black bottom pieces. I am also thinking about gloves, though that might be tricky, I wouldn’t be able to do electric scenes wearing them. Stockings. I keep being told I need to get stockings. Right after which I’m told I need more appropriate footwear – high heels or shinier boots. So, having no fashion sense whatsoever, I’m thinking of: black high heels, red stockings, black skirt, red top, black gloves. Also, having no extra cash flow, this is just a dream for now, but it will hopefully become simply a goal in the near future. Then, on to other colors of the rainbow, or at least purple and blue.

Erotic Shorts

—–

Bullet

—–

She felt his hand in her pocket, turning up he dial as she lined up her next shot.  Her breath quickened as the little bullet sprang to life in her panties.  She barely noticed that her shot went wide and the cue-ball didn’t hit a single thing as she handed off the stick to her partner.

“You missed,” he said, pulling her against his leg, pressing the little vibrator tighter against her clit.

“Umhmm.”  She mumbled.

“Stay in control, little one.  You have to be ready for me later.”  He kissed her tenderly, turning it down just a bit.  “Wouldn’t want to distract you from the game.”

—–

Arrest

—–

“Stop right there.  Drop your purse and put your hands on the hood of the car.”

She didn’t turn, there was no need, the voice and the tone were unmistakable.  She pulled her purse off her shoulder and let it slip to the ground.  Taking a step sideways, she put her hands on the top of the hood.  She didn’t bother to ask what she’d done, it hardly mattered at this point.

“Spread your feet apart and then hold still.  I’m going to search you.”

He waited for compliance and began to pat her down.  She was not surprised when he roughly squeezed her breasts and massaged her ass.  Then she felt him kneel down behind her as he made a thorough search of her panties and stockings.  As he stood back up, he gave her crotch one last grope that made her gasp softly.

“Hands behind your back, we’re going for a little ride.”

—–

Hair

—–

His fingers slipped up the back of her neck and entwined themselves tightly in her hair.  He pulled her slowly toward his mouth, feeling a shiver run through her body.

“Behave yourself, little one.”  He whispered against her throat.  “or I might put you over my knee right here.”

“Master, please, you wouldn’t…” she stiffened and caught a moan behind her teeth as he bit a taut tendon in her neck.  “I… I’m sorry, Master. I’ll be good.”  She gasped as he release her with a single swat on the ass.

“You better, little one. I’ve always wanted to spank you in public.”  He grinned at her shiver and lowered eyes.

—–

Bite

—–

She stood blindfolded at the foot of their bed, listening and feeling him moving around her.   He slowly stripped away her clothing, running light fingertips over her skin.  She smiled and shivered at his touch.

When they were both naked, he slipped behind her.  One hand brushed her hair back, away from her right shoulder and then slipped around her waist.  His left hand slipped around her shoulders, over her forehead, to catch a nice handful of hair on the top of her head.  He pulled her head firmly to the side as he kissed her throat.  She squirmed back against him and froze for just an instant as his teeth sank into her neck.  Then she moaned with pleasure as he bit deeper and sucked hard on her flesh.

—–

Spank

—–

“You’ve been naughty, little one.”  He ran his hand over her bare back, bending her over the end of the bed.  “You disobeyed your Master.”  He dragged the leather slapper over her pale ass cheeks.

“Yes, Master.  I’m sorry, Master.”  She shivered at his touch, anticipation of punishment tensing every muscle.

“Too late, little one.”  He punctuated this with a sharp slap on her backside.

“Yes, Master,”  she gasped, “thank you, Master.”

He stroked the reddened flesh with leather a moment, enjoying watching her squirm.  Then he brought it to bear on the other cheek.

“Thank you, Master.”  She moaned as he struck her ass again.  “Thank you, Master.”

He smiled behind her, watching her ass grow red, enjoying every gasp and groan and Master that came from her lips.  “Such a good little naughty slave you are.”

—–

Collar

—–

“You have much to learn.”  He stood over her kneeling form.  “But if you work hard, I think we will both be very happy.”

She nodded silently, unable to pull her eyes from the bag at his feet.  It was from their favorite toy shop, and the outline of the sagging plastic clearly showed a collar within.  She could barely breathe through her excitement at the prospect of finally earning her collar.  So much so that she hardly heard him speaking again.

“…at any time, any place. ”  He watched her, knowing it was the bag that had her attention and not his voice.  “You will learn to be a proper slave to your Master without losing your self to the role.”

“Yes, Master.”  She replied, her mind reengaging at the key words of ‘slave’ and ‘Master.’  “Thank you, Master.”

“Good, my little one, now go get dressed, we’re going out for dinner.”  He pulled her to her feet and kissed her tenderly.  “I love you.”

Suffering

Some days, I suffer to please him. Some days, his darkness needs fed. Even in that darkness, he needs reassurance. Needs to know that it isn’t driving me away. In that darkness, I know that he still loves me, that he is still in control, that ultimately, I am safe. We reassure each other. Exchange I love you’s between begging and denials. This only makes it hotter. Tied down, aching, hurting with every motion, wanting only release from my bonds, coming to tears, thrashing, begging, falling into stillness. Yet, still able to express love, and to acknowledge his.

I know that I can end the scene, I know that Red will be heard and honored, but I hang on, pushing myself as much as he pushes me. I beg him to stop, I beg for freedom, and his passion flares ever higher, fueled by my suffering. My mind begs me to call Red, I deny it as he denies me. It curses me and bargains, and I agree, nipple clamps would be too far tonight. He threatens them, but does not follow through, my fear is pleasing enough.

It is a very tricky line, I grow angry, my teeth so close to his arm, his shoulder. It becomes hard not to bite. Then the pain overwhelms me again, and I fall to stillness, anything to please him to satisfy him, so he will stop. He enjoys the stillness, but wants more, the threats come again and I grow desperate, begging, fucking harder, and the pain intensifies. The cycle continues until I can bear it no more.

I think he is done, he seems more satisfied than other points in the scene, and I cannot take more. Thank you, Sir, Please. He pauses, asks me to repeat. Thank you, Sir, Please. Gratitude our Yellow. I need a break, but I am not calling Red if he is not done. He releases me, slowly, as I whimper, soft kisses on abused joints, rubbing the rope marks.

Then we curl up together, tightly spooning, breathing, loving. We need to get out of bed, set an alarm, clean up, but not yet. We hold tight moments longer, both needing the tenderness of touch after the darkness of the scene. He asks me how it was, but I cannot answer yet, my emotions still riding the roller coaster, the earlier scene was awesome, I say, wanting to reassure him, ask me tomorrow about this one.

A difficult scene for me, but still full of our love, and that makes it wonderful.