So, I failed at the writing an extra post to make up for last week’s post. I spend at least forty-five minutes every day, writing for him. I could spend at least another forty-five minutes a day writing for each of my other partners, and writing a daily blog post, but that’s at least two more hours to carve out of an already busy life. I do the writing for him, because I promised myself I would. Because I was having trouble communicating, and writing is the medium I feel most comfortable in, and I felt it would facilitate better communication over all. I think it does and I think it has, and so I keep my promise, to myself and to him, to write at least five hundred words every day. These writings are very personal, occasionally nonsensical, and include every day things and other people. Sometimes they are profound, sometimes they are flowery, and sometimes they are just as randomly off the wall as last week’s post on social networking. Some days I wish I could just get up in the morning and write all day, send him his words, send my other partners their own words, and write beautiful blog posts, and let the rest of the world just float by. But while I’m writing, I’m not so good at chatting, or working, and most days, I spend a good deal of time doing both those things. Not, I think, that my life is interesting enough for an every day blog, but then, if I was blogging every day, it wouldn’t have to be fantastic stuff all the time. I think I might start repeating things I said last week if I keep on like this.
Complete Shibari: Land and Sky is quickly rising to be my most popular post. It only has thirty views and two posts to topple until it reaches number one. I really wish I’d done a far better job with that post. Maybe I’ll actually get the books during the holidays and work up a better review. It’s not terrible, especially as I’ve never written a book review in my life, but I feel it doesn’t do the works justice. I’m eagerly awaiting his third book(Stars) to be released, too.
So far this post isn’t any better than last week. I keep thinking if I just keep writing, it’ll get better, I’ll come up with something intelligent to say, some great topic to post on, something insightful at the very least. I was chatting with a friend of mine earlier, saying that “Jealousy, Neediness and all those other things you try to ignore” was probably not a very good topic. Last week I was dealing with bits of jealousy popping up. But instead of dwelling on them and letting them rule me, I quickly recognized and squashed them. With logic and compersion. Jealousy is not something we can get rid of, it reminds us what is important, but controlling it instead of being controlled by it is the key. This week, I’m dealing with neediness. I hate it when I feel needy. Of course, I need other people and need love and attention. Sometimes, though, I feel like the need consumes me and jumps up and down like a five year old shouting for attention. It doesn’t help that this is an incredibly inconvenient time for that to rear its head. Five year olds rarely care if the time is right or horribly, horribly wrong. So, logic and empathy to squash that for now. I have many ways to fill my needs, and patience will get me everything I need in plenty.
We just passed a beautiful red fall tree, lit up by the sunset. Gorgeous. I love autumn. A walk in the forest in the sun would do me a large amount of good. Perhaps Saturday afternoon. Time for the munch, so I’ll stop typing and post this when we get home. Or maybe I’ll write something better. By the way, Tim Minchin is full of inappropriate wonderfulness.
I just went through my recent blog posts to see what I’ve posted about, and through my emails to see what I’ve written about. Looking for something more intelligent and interesting to post than this mess of rambling. I didn’t find anything, or at least nothing coherent and thought out enough to post about. And I really need to get my screen (connecting wire) fixed. This is ridiculous. Anyway. Something is better than nothing, so let me collect some happy somethings from the last couple weeks to post about.
Things from the last three weeks that made me happy:
Over the knee spankings
Oral sex wherever we happen to be
Sleeping in
Kneeling
Rope
Suspension
Sex
Simple goals
Achieving them
Boot blacking
Second chances
Plans
Acknowledgment
Service
Carrying and holding a drink in my open palm
Drumming with anything that comes to hand
The leatherman on my skin
Bruises
Seeing and helping with someone’s first suspension
Teaching and sharing the violet wands
Fantasies
Massage
Cuddling
Sleep
A phone call from far away
A latex skirt
A kiss on the forehead
Feeling protected
Latex panties
An unexpected spanking
A relaxing evening